"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before."
-George W. Bush
"Leadership to me means duty, honor, country. It means character, and it means listening from time to time."
-George W. Bush
"One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected."
-George W. Bush
"It's exciting; I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes."
-George W. Bush
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
- Henry A. Kissinger
" No country can act wisely simultaneously in every part of the globe at every moment of time."
-Henry A. Kissinger
" I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people. The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves."
-Henry A. Kissinger
"I can think of no faster way to unite the American people behind George W. Bush than a terrorist attack on an American target overseas. And I believe George W. Bush will quickly unite the American people through his foreign policy."
-Henry A. Kissinger
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it's their fault."
-Henry A. Kissinger
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."
-Henry A. Kissinger
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
-Henry A. Kissinger
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they ask if it has stopped."
- Marcel Achard
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."
- Douglas Adams
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Douglas Adams
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
- Douglas Adams
"Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free. Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space. In those days, spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus was the Empire forged."
- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the
Galaxy"
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
- Douglas Adams
"Practical politics consists in ignoring facts."
- Henry Adams
"If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done."
- Scott Adams
"Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
"As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line."
- Scott Adams, creator of "Dilbert" on the ending of
the strip "Calvin and Hobbes"
"The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial."
- Arther Adamov - Russian-born French dramatist
"An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured."
- Konrad Adenauer
"When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
- Franklyn Ajaye
"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction."
- Noelie Alite
"Statistics have shown that mortality increases in the military during wartime."
- Alphonse Allais
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
- Fred Allen
"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."
- Fred Allen
"A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on."
- Fred Allen - Comedian
"Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent."
- Fred Allen
"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."
- Fred Allen
"It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it."
- Henry Allen
"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"
- Woody Allen
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."
- Woody Allen
"Perhaps one way will be, if we use military force, in the post-
Saddam Iraq the U.N. will definitely need to have a role. And that
way it can begin to get its legs, legs of responsibility back."
George W. Bush
"I need to be able to move the right people to the right place at
the right time to protect you, and I'm not going to accept a lousy
bill out of the United Nations Senate."
-George W. Bush
"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any
kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber."
-George W. Bush
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
-Dan Quayle.
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-Dan Quayle.
"To avoid repeating the mistakes of your father, start by not marrying your mother!"
-Alfred E. Neuman (MAD magazine's mascot)
"More people would think for themselves if someone just told them to!"
-Alfred E. Neuman (MAD magazine's mascot)
"Money can't buy happiness- but it can rent it repeatedly!"
-Alfred E. Neuman (MAD magazine's mascot)
"It used to be that after years of service, your company would give you a gold watch. Now, you're lucky if they give you the time of day!"
-Alfred E. Neuman (MAD magazine's mascot)
Driving is fun. Did you ever run over a guy? And then you panic? So you back up and run over him again? You ever notice the second crunch is not as loud as the first? I think it's because the guy already has tread marks on him. But there he is, lyin' right in front of your car. Might as well run over him again. What're you gonna do this time, drive around him?"
-George Carlin
"You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven."
-George Carlin
"When Ronald Reagan got Alzheimer's, how could they tell?"
-George Carlin
